I feel like I lost two days down some crazy dark rabbit hole. Friday night was shit. I mean, that is putting it mildly. It was past 11 when the boy got in. Hammered. After falling asleep on the bus and missing his stop, hanging up on me repeatedly, being an arrogant drunk twat. Not … Continue reading December 16th – Back to normal
I have literally sat on the sofa all day with Delta and it's been beautiful. I was good just to take some time out. We've literally sat and cuddled all day. She's fallen asleep on me. I'm pretty sure I've fallen asleep on here. She's pretended to be an elephant, I've been a zebra. We've … Continue reading December 14th – Little kick when your down
I messaged my ex today. Not with any ulterior motive. I just didn't have anyone else. He stopped working and talked to me for an hour, and it was such an intense subject yet the conversation wasn't intense. I felt better. I went on Facebook, I needed to block some people that aren't good for … Continue reading December 14th – it’s good to talk.
Last night was so horrific I don't even want to write about it. Confirmation that the boy doesn't know me at all. I was ready to leave. I don't want to, but I'm not seeing another option right now. I can't keep being made to feel like this.
I'm still not feeling great about the relationship. We are back talking again now. But I'm exasperated with it all. The games, the stress, the constant feeling I'm not enough. I've had a good day today mainly cos I haven't thought about him. Then this photo pops up on my timeline. And do you know … Continue reading December 13th – Actions over words
The title is misleading. It was not the best night ever. Even catching a glimpse of Hamilton on the Royal Variety show didn't make it into even a remotely ok night. But let's go back. I had a panic attack. Over new internet. Yep, precisely as ridiculous as it sounds. It stuff like this that … Continue reading December 12th – The best night ever
6.30 in the morning, I woke up, still drunk, mouth feeling like a desert, I stumble into the bathroom cursing myself for not bringing a glass up, cursing the boy for taking my water bottle down, I slurp from the tap. Head is spinning too much for me to do it for too long. I'm … Continue reading December 2nd – A night to remember
I thought I left therapy happy, but something had shifted. Me and the boy went for training on our laser cutter, I don't remember things being off then. I hadn't eaten though I can't remember much. We went to Chester for the night. Driving down is when things started to turn a bit sour. I … Continue reading The weekend.
I'm still happy. Ish. No, I am happy. Therapy will be super fun today when I bound in there full of the joys of spring. Anyway, last night was odd. He was sad. And it broke my heart. I hate seeing him so sad, especially when I'm the cause of it. Two things stuck out … Continue reading Guilt tripping
I woke up actually feeling ok. Then the boy sent some passive aggressive message at me asking if he should book tickets to a show or will we just argue over ice cream. I didn't view it as passive aggressive at first. I was like are you being funny, cos I'm laughing. I'm 90% sure … Continue reading You need to lose weight update.